internet shiny things

asunderbolt: How To Grow A Beard

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 13:26:53 -0600

How To Grow A Beard

<@dalbone> Hai gize

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 16:30:30 -0600

<@dalbone> Hai gize
<@dalbone> I left my computer unlocked
<@veruus> good work
<@veruus> someone should say that you like cocks
<@dalbone> love em

Recruiters from Hell

Mon, 27 Aug 2012 15:19:26 -0600

<@veruus> Dear Candidate,
<@veruus> We have an urgent requirement with our client for : Machine Operator_at Sandy UT,UT.
<@veruus> O_o
<@veruus> what
<@veruus> thefuck
<@ahhdem> lolol
<@ahhdem> veruus: did you piss someone off?
<@veruus> what the fuck is in my fucking resume?
<@veruus> no shit, right?
<@ahhdem> lol

thepinesaredancing: lesmontagnes: Jared, this kind’ve looks...

Wed, 22 Aug 2012 20:27:44 -0600

thepinesaredancing:

lesmontagnes:

Jared, this kind’ve looks like you

^ I don’t know how to feel about this. Mostly because you aren’t wrong.

nobreastsnorequests: This should be standard on every DJ booth...

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 01:58:22 -0600

nobreastsnorequests:

This should be standard on every DJ booth too.

(Source: BEHRINGER)

recruiter pocket-dial

Fri, 17 Aug 2012 13:36:00 -0600

Photo

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 20:10:21 -0600

Photo

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 10:58:42 -0600

Video

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 03:49:06 -0600

Photo

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 14:31:46 -0600

house sitting fallout

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 03:49:13 -0600

Did you steal our pepper shaker? I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed (and under-seasoned.)
Sorry for the late response, but no. Fairly certain, anyway. Good luck though.

"Dude, what's my password on this computer?"

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 18:22:32 -0600

"Dude, what's my password on this computer?"
"...*I* don't know."
"The password hint says 'What am I doing now?'."
"'Sucking at computers'? I don't know, man."

This would be nice.

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 11:31:15 -0600

https://twitter.com/bestpractical/status/213035559390691329

Dog Log - Day 1

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 03:21:00 -0600

Took charge of post and all property in view.
Read directions.
Ate chocolates which were thoughtfully left behind for my enjoyment.
Gave dogs prescribed food and medication. They seem unsure of situation.
Inventoried fridge/freezer/liquor-cabinet. Targets acquired.
Took dogs out for poops.
Cooked sausages. (unknown provenance)
Found bacon grease and garlic in fridge during second reconnoitering of refrigerator. Added to sausages. Also, range hood seems to be in proper working order. (note: find match for paint from unscorched area of ceiling)
Dogs enjoy peanut butter pretzels. Still seem unsure.
Guacamole Grape Truffles seem to be a hit with Haley (7!). Storm only had 3.
Hammock seems to be in fine working order.
Inventoried bedroom. Unsure what to make of marital aid left on pillow.
Beer. Check.
Sausages. (Consuming mid-post)
Pita chips. Booyah.
Guacamole could use slightly less jalepeño. Call carpet cleaner on Monday.
Oh. There’s a back page on these directions…
Calling vet’s number which was thoughtfully left behind for me…
Dammit. Forgot my toothbrush.
Disregard. Found a really cool electric one. Heh. It tickles.

Photo

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 16:16:56 -0600

tastefullyoffensive: Politics[via]

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 14:35:35 -0600

tastefullyoffensive:

Politics

[via]

animalstalkinginallcaps: I ASKED FOR A VEGETARIAN OPTION, NOT A...

Mon, 28 May 2012 12:45:10 -0600

animalstalkinginallcaps:

I ASKED FOR A VEGETARIAN OPTION, NOT A SMORGASBOARD OF SIDE DISHES! CAN I GET A PROTEIN? SOME FUCKING QUINOA? ANYTHING REMOTELY ROBUST? THANKS FOR DOUBLING UP THE GARNISH BUT I DON’T ACTUALLY EAT ROSEMARY. IT’S 2012! CAN WE PLEASE JUST GET OUR SHIT TOGETHER? GO TO GRAMERCY TAVERN! GO TO PER SE! TAKE SOME NOTES! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! AND WHERE THE HELL IS MY WINE? WHAT PAIRS WELL WITH COMPLETE AND UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT? I’LL HAVE TWO GLASSES OF THAT WHENEVER YOU GET A CHANCE!

Photo

Wed, 16 May 2012 15:15:24 -0600

When a VC invites me out to a fancy dinner, I'm like

Thu, 10 May 2012 17:07:45 -0600

runningastartup:

Who the hell signed me up for Hilton Honors program emails?

Mon, 07 May 2012 15:59:41 -0600

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money… but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you never do this again, that will be the end of it - I will not look for you, I will not pursue you… but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you… and I will lart you.